How can it already be five years since we lost Paige? In so many ways it feels like just yesterday that she was here and in others it seems a lifetime. Someone recently asked me if it gets better. No, not really. I think you just learn to live with it better. You have to. What other choice is there? I think that it's easier to keep busy and I just avoid the things that make me miss her too much. That's why I was kind of glad that I was getting sick yesterday and didn't have to go to church. It is harder to be strong when people are being really nice and remembering her. Not that I don't want them to remember her, but at certain times, I just can't take it. I try to be strong and I really don't like people to see me cry. I'm an ugly crier. So it's just easier to avoid. So, on the anniversary of her death and on her birthday I hide and try not to answer the phone. I know it's the cowardly way out, but it's only twice a year. So, sue me.
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